


Double Dip: For Science

by yasmamamercury (Em_1)



Series: Coping with Quarantine [24]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Hair Dyeing, M/M, Quarantine Shenanigans, TikTok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23648140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Em_1/pseuds/yasmamamercury
Summary: “TikTok users are dipping their balls in the name of science, but actual scientists and urologists say folks misunderstood the research.”Freddie and John started laughing.“It actually is a thing on TikTok,” Roger confirmed, “I’ve seen it.”“You’ve seen it?” Freddie exclaimed.“Why would anyone do that?” John asked, shaking his head in amusement.“I wonder if it works.”“Roger, no.”Or, Roger dips his balls in soy sauce, idk what else to tell you.
Relationships: John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Series: Coping with Quarantine [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1669213
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	Double Dip: For Science

**Author's Note:**

> It was only a matter of time before I wrote some quarantine shenanigans. This is barely proof-read so please let me know if there are any glaring errors. 
> 
> A big thank you to my good friends, you know who you are, who gave me some golden dialogue to work with - you two are very obviously the inspiration for this. Thank you for including me in your evening ❤
> 
> Also, don't try this at home, I guess??

“How’s Brian?” John asked Freddie through the laptop he had resting on the coffee table in front of him. 

Freddie shifted in his bed and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back off his face,

“He’s alright. I’m just glad he’s stuck here with me and not alone at his flat.” 

John nodded, adjusting the hat he was wearing from where he sat on the sofa. The plastic bag wrapped around his head beneath it crinkled in his ears. 

He looked up when Roger emerged from their bathroom, sporting his own hat and plastic bag. 

“I set the timer for you,” John said, “Twenty minutes until you can go wash it out. Or you can leave it in longer if you want, it’s not really going to do anything bad to your hair. It’s still going to turn out blue, just maybe bluer.” 

Roger shrugged as he curled up on the sofa beside John and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“We can check it in twenty and see what it looks like.” 

“What colour are you doing again, John?” Freddie asked, scrolling through his phone. 

“The goal is a titanium-silver colour,” John said hesitantly. 

“But?”

“But who knows if that’s actually how it’s going to turn out.” 

Roger piped in, 

“He had to bleach it so much it turned out almost shiny like it was reflecting the light.” 

“So tell me, how dead is your hair right now, dear?” 

“Hopefully not too dead, I conditioned it for thirty minutes after every dye.” 

Freddie hummed, skeptical, and turned his gaze back down to his phone. It was nice to be able to spend time with people who weren’t Brian, even if they weren’t doing anything in particular. Freddie _was_ glad that Brian was quarantined at home with him, but he missed John and Roger dearly. 

“Ha! Listen to this,” John said, interrupting their comfortable silence and reading from his phone, “ _No, your testicles don’t have taste buds. Stop dipping them in soy sauce_.” 

“What?!” Freddie asked, “Are people actually doing that?” 

“Oh my god,” Roger said, quickly looking up the article on his phone. 

John continued reading,

“ _TikTok users are dipping their balls in the name of science, but actual scientists and urologists say folks misunderstood the research_.” 

Freddie and John started laughing. 

“It actually is a thing on TikTok,” Roger confirmed, “I’ve seen it.”

“You’ve _seen it_?” Freddie exclaimed. 

“Why would anyone do that?” John asked, shaking his head in amusement. 

“I wonder if it works.” 

“Roger, no.” John was quick to look up from his phone to scold him. 

If anything, it just spurred Roger on because he grinned and got up, moving out of the laptop’s frame. 

“I have to try it,” Freddie heard him say from their kitchen. “The article says there are taste glands there!” 

“You didn’t even read the article, because if you did, you would have read the part where it specifically tells you not to do it,” John argued halfheartedly from the sofa, a fond look on his face. 

"I have to, Deaks! For science!"

“I support you, Roger!” Freddie said. 

John rolled his eyes but Roger called out a pointed, 

“Thank you, Fred!”

There was another moment of silence before John said,

“No, Roger, don’t pour the whole fucking thing into a bowl! We’re in quarantine, it’s not like we can just go out and buy more.” 

“Do you guys really use soy sauce that often, though?” Freddie asked, stirring the pot a little. 

John glared at him, before turning his attention back to Roger. 

“Babe, that’s enough, you’ve already taken like a third of it!” 

Freddie heard the fridge close before Roger’s voice came through again with a whine,

“It’s going to be cold.” 

John raised a questioning eyebrow and Roger kept going,

“If it’s cold it’ll be impossible to dip them! Cause they’ll you know…” 

“Shrivel up?” John supplied with a grin.

“Yeah.” 

“Microwave it.” He suggested. “No, wait, Roger, be careful. It’ll heat unevenly, don’t burn yourself.” 

“I’ll just put it in for five seconds.” 

John shook his head as he looked back at Freddie on the laptop, who was grinning at their antics. It wasn’t long before Roger spoke again, more hesitant and less enthused this time,

“Okay...how do I do this?” 

John chuckled and shook his head,

“I don’t know, Rog. You’re the one that wanted to do it.” John laughed some more as he looked at Roger. 

“What?” Roger demanded. 

“It’s just, you look so fucking ridiculous right now,” He bit his bottom lip as he laughed, green eyes bright and sparkling as he gazed at his boyfriend. “You’re just standing there in your bathrobe with a stupid hat on your head with your plastic bag --”

“That you made me put on!” Roger interjected. 

“Yes, and you’ll thank me when the colour comes out nicely.” John giggled some more, “And, why do you only have one slipper! What happened to the other one?” 

“Let me see!” Freddie demanded, chuckling at the screen. “Turn me around!”

John picked the laptop up and turned it around so that Roger came onto the screen. Freddie’s shriek of laughter had Roger putting a hand on his hip with a pout. The effect was considerably lessened by the fact that he was holding a bowl of soy sauce, to really top the look off.

Roger huffed but decided to get on with it, 

“I guess I’ll just…” 

The moment he started adjusting his stance and lowering the bowl John stopped him,

“No, fuck, Roger! Go do it in the bathtub if you’re actually going to do it. What if you spill it?” 

Roger huffed again but conceded, turning and heading towards the bathroom.

“Wait, take me with you!” Freddie shouted, not wanting to be left out. 

“I’ve got you, Freddie,” John said, coming back onto the screen and picking the laptop up as he followed behind Roger. 

John sat on the toilet with the laptop on his knees, Freddie watching his facial expressions as he watched Roger struggle. 

“Babe,” John sighed, “Get _in_ the bathtub. The whole point of doing it here is so that I won’t have to clean soy sauce off the floors at one in the morning.” 

“Right,” Roger muttered. 

After a beat, John asked,

“Is it working?”

“I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” 

Freddie could hear the disappointment in Roger’s voice,

“I mean, like, obviously I feel it. But if anything I probably just think I can taste it ‘cause of how strong it smells.” 

John shook his head fondly,

“You look so defeated.” 

He turned the laptop around for Freddie to see - Roger sat on the side of the tub, his feet inside and his back to the camera. He was just a little bit hunched over in his bathrobe and his head was hanging. Roger looked at them over his shoulder,

“I am defeated! I really wanted it to work.” He turned back before muttering, “I guess I should stop doing this now.” 

John laughed as he carried Freddie out of the bathroom, 

“I’m going to let you get cleaned up.” 

“Yeah, alright,” Roger grumbled, bitter that the experiment didn’t work. 

It didn’t take long for Roger to rejoin John on the sofa. 

“So, what’s your final conclusion?” John asked. 

“Yes, give us the results of your experiment.” 

Roger thought for a moment before declaring with a shake of his head,

“Your balls will only come out more brown and less innocent.” 

**Author's Note:**

> The article that John reads from is an actual HuffPost article - you can search up the title if you want to read it! 
> 
> My province is most likely extending our state of emergency declaration for another 28 days, so I took the opportunity to shave and dye my hair! (As did my friends! For those curious, yes, both the blue and the platinum turned out fantastic on them 😍) Anyways, all this to say, if you've been wanting to do something with your hair, do it! Now's the time! It's good to change things up sometimes, and hair will always grow back ❤
> 
> Hope everyone's staying safe and healthy, and doing well. You're welcome to swing by my tumblr any time @yasmamamercury.


End file.
